Avast, ye scurvy bilge rat! It's Pirate Insult Generator for webOS
You couldn't resort to modern slang, since chances are good he probably wouldn't understand what you were saying. Fortunately, you've planned ahead and you whip out your Palm Pre Plus and fire up Pirate Insult Generator.
Quickly pressing the random button, you recite "Dance with Jack Ketch, ye good for nothing, addle brained biscuit weevil!"
With a sneer, he draws his saber and lops off your hand just above the wrist.
Sure, it's painful, but at least you got him with a sweet burn. High five! [Or not... -Ed]
Pirate Insult Generator is a free app, and it's available in the Palm App Market. Grab it now so you have it when Talk Like a Pirate Day rolls around again -- it's only ten days away!