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Alternate marketing slogans for Windows 7
Normally, I wouldn't do this. A source deep within Microsoft -- who just happened to owe me a favor -- passed along a list of new Windows marketing slogans which, for one reason or another, just didn't make the cut. After careful consideration and soul searching, I've decided to release them to the public.
Frankly, I think a few of them deserved more contemplation.
- Really, it's better this time. We swear.
- Because owning a Mac is just one step away from drinking lattes at a Green Party tweetup.
- Come on! It's not that complicated.
- We shower, and we don't wear Birkenstocks.
- We're still on liver number one.
- 7 is a lucky number, right?
- Still the choice among pimply teenaged gamers.
- More stable and easier to use than your last girlfriend.
- WIndows 7: because the Mayans say none of us will live to see the next version anyway.
- Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down.
Comments
36
Subscribe to commentsZeRoAug 29th 2009 4:57PM
Random?
Thomas MaierAug 30th 2009 5:31AM
I like that one: "We're still on liver number one." :D
ericloeweAug 29th 2009 5:30PM
The last one does have some potential...
Matias KorhonenAug 29th 2009 6:19PM
Perhaps, but even marketing departments aren't allowed to tell bare-faced lies.
ericloeweAug 29th 2009 6:32PM
There's always the good old asterisk followed by a lengthy disclaimer about how software is provided as-is and stuff
ColumnBreakAug 29th 2009 6:57PM
Slow news day, I suppose...
KevinAug 29th 2009 8:05PM
Feh. Leave comedy to...you know...comedians. I don't go to Chris Rock for tech news.
slanderAug 29th 2009 9:08PM
Funny, I don't go to Chris Rock for comedy, either...
Grant RobertsonAug 29th 2009 11:59PM
Aw, Kevin, that's so sweet! I'm not sure if I should take that as a complement to my comedy, my tech writing, or both. Whichever it was, you've totally made my day!
Here's more of my comedy. I'm going to call you my number one fan from now on, k?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e2Ixj89hXww
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNK150lfjcM
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YngLEy1IX6w
I'd also like to point out that -- just as you've never gone to Chris Rock for tech news -- I've never asked your mother for advice on personal hygiene. The difference is, I'm just going to chalk that one up to co-incidence. I mean, Chris Rock *might* be a fantastic tech news blogger, do we really know he isn't?
xoxoxo,
Granty
sitrucAug 30th 2009 2:02AM
Things rarely turn out well for bloggers who respond to negative reaction with negativity. This isn't an exception.
Most simply don't find the post funny. The videos in your response didn't help the cause either, Grant. Perhaps I should outline what isn't funny in a youtube video and post it here so you have a better understanding. Of course I'm not a comedian though.
KevinAug 30th 2009 2:07AM
Wow, that was a very unprofessional, reckless post from someone who works for a company as large as AOL. Looks like I struck a nerve. You're not funny, and the whole tech writer as gag writer thing is as stale as the LOLcat graphic on your website's front page.
I wonder what AOL would have to say about your response here, attacking someone's mom (oh so original and classy) like an intellectually-limited 12 year old would.
KevinAug 30th 2009 2:14AM
And, to add, if one were to toss the stones about the hygiene of another person's close family member, you'd think it wouldn't be initiated by someone as obese as Mr. Robertson, according to those videos.
You really owe someone an apology (if not to me, then to anyone who wasted time reading even a fraction of this article). I don't know who's in charge of DownloadSquad, although I may find out soon, but what you responded with was uncalled for, petty and really not funny in any sense.
elleAug 30th 2009 5:10AM
Wow, Fugly Friday isn't just a Download Squad feature, it's Grant's approach to life.
polobunnyAug 30th 2009 5:55PM
I freaking lol'ed. Thank you Grant for your considerate replies and Kevin for hitting that nerve.
I'll answer anyway Grant. You're being just as childish for heckling him back as you say it. I'm sure your mom taught you this.
Meme spouting moment: LEAVE BRITNEY ALONE
Grant RobertsonAug 31st 2009 12:20PM
It is unfortunate that what was supposed to be a lighthearted weekend post has degenerated into an area not even remotely related to its subject.
Kevin, I apologize for my implicit remark about your mother. My other comments stand. Let's leave it at that and in the interest of moving forward, I'm closing this thread.
EvenioAug 29th 2009 9:35PM
Wait, then will Windows 8 be version 6.2 or version 7? Or will they just skip the actual Windows 7 altogether, QuickTime X-style?
StreetlightAug 29th 2009 10:13PM
Love the Latte Sipping Green Party comment linked to Obama...so appropriate
kojo87Aug 30th 2009 3:11AM
would have been better if it linked to a Nader page
The Birkenstock one made me chuckle.
Grant RobertsonAug 30th 2009 4:40AM
Why do you keep taking ad hominem shots at me? What I wrote was an attempt to illustrate the absurdity of your comment.
I didn't cast any direct aspersions on your mother. Given that you've already established -- being obese -- I'm not capable of qualitative statements about hygiene, I'm not sure why my personal opinion of your mom would matter one way or the other. More on that in just a sec.
What exactly qualifies someone as a comedian and, who nominated you to be the thin bland line protecting the public from a marginally funny blogger?
Your original comment was clearly a very rude attempt to take the "fine" out of my day. That's pretty lousy. If you heckle me, why should I be prohibited from heckling you back?
Remind me again, which one of us is being childish?
And yes, as referenced above, you've made a brilliant observation; All fat people display substandard personal hygiene. We're slovenly, lazy, unkempt, undisciplined and, mentally? Quite a bit slower than all the rest of you. Fortunately, it's also *very* easy to see us coming and we can't run very fast.
Pro tip: In the event that one of us should get a lucky shot at sharing our distasteful hygienic habits with you, we're also easily distracted. Just drop something shinny -- or a Hostess Twinkee -- as you run away. We're pretty likely to forget all about why we're chasing you.
I think it's pretty obvious why you're picking on me. You should really drop this charade and just ask me out already. I totally don't have the cooties or anything.
Disclaimer: I am a very expensive dinner date. Please bring a credit card, some sort of poncho or splash guard, and a change of clothes sealed in a plastic bag. Trust me, you'll be happy you did.
StreetlightAug 30th 2009 12:04PM
+1 for Grant