Oh god, get the New York Post out of my tech news!

When Alexander Hamilton founded the New York Post back in 1801, he probably had no idea that the paper would eventually be turned into a sensationalist tabloid by Rupert Murdoch. Similarly, when Rupert Murdoch purchased the Post in 1976, he probably didn't think the paper would ever try to cover tech news.

The same paper that brings you headlines like "18-YEAR OLD ARRESTED FOR SERIAL CAT MURDERS" and "FOOD CART SCAMMERS RAISE THE DEAD" have decided to cover the ongoing Google v. Bing feud.

Apparently Sergey Brin is shaking in his boots, so worried about the threat Bing! poses that he's hired a group of former Vietnam POWs that escaped a maximum security stockade and sought refuge in the Los Angeles underground...No wait, that's the A-Team.

Brin has put together a team of "top engineers to work on urgent upgrades to his Web service." His web service? Which one, Post? Apps? Gmail? No, you mean "to his search engine."

And with 64% of the market share and a brand that is synonymous with Internet search (Google's in the damn dictionary, after all), it's unlikely that Bing has caused Sergey to panic, don his tin foil hat, and scramble into the Google bunker to prepare algorithmic countermeasures.

For an article that starts with the headline "FEAR GRIPS GOOGLE," it peters out in a hurry. Instead of really illustrating this supposed fear, the Post wanders off and discusses Microsoft's struggles in search, their attempts to purchase Yahoo!, and Bing's colorful look. Yawn.

Also, if you're going to focus on Sergey Brin, maybe your hilarious tale-of-the-tape image should have featured his face instead of Google co-founder Larry Page. Of course, that is the same image that claims Google spends no money whatsoever on promoting its search engine.

The image also gives Bing a spontaneous 11% market share since its debut earlier this month, ignoring the fact that Bing is simply a re-branded, re-tooled Live Search - which has been around for years.

The Post's foray into the world of search caught some (read: NeoWin) so off guard that Sam Symons became delusional and credited the story and epic image to The New York Times. It's ok, Sam. This one threw us for a loop, too.

Just think: later this year you might just have to pay to read tripe like this from the Post online. Uncle Rupert wants to do away with news for free, remember? Maybe charging money will make the Post seem like a more credible source for tech news.

Tags: bing, fail, google, new-york-post, roflcopter, sergey-brin