Hot on HuffPost Tech:

See More Stories
Free Switched iPhone app - try it now!
AOL Tech

If web browsers were The Super Friends...


There wasn't a whole lot remarkable about my Sunday this week. We're still thawing out here in the Great White North, so my son and I were relaxing and watching The Super Friends on TV. The longer we watched (and the more blown away I became with just how awesomely bad that cartoon really was), my mind started to wander.

"I must be reading too many blog posts," I said to myself, "because I'm starting to imagine the characters as web browsers." As the train of thought steamed ahead unimpeded, here's what I came up with.

Firefox as Batman
Like the Dark Knight, Firefox doesn't actually have super powers. What he does have is experience, a little kung fu, and a vast arsenal of tools he can clip to his belt before heading into battle. I don't know if any evildoer really killed Firefox's parents, but you sure don't hear much from Netscape anymore.

Unlike Batman, however, Firefox is actually good friends with The Penguin.


Flock as Robin
Following in Firefox's footsteps in its quest to be a full-fledged hero, Flock may have to be content with a supporting role forever. "Holy overlooked sidekicks! I know how to use all those gadgets, too!" shouts Flock, but few listen. Most people find his costume a little gaudy.

Don't worry, little guy. Those who like you really, really like you, so keep your feet on the ground and keep reaching for the stars.

Chrome as The Flash
There's a lot to be said for being speedy, and Chrome is getting faster all the time. Gadgets aren't required when you can zip through labyrinthine web page code at mind-blowing speeds. The laws of physics? Who needs those when you can pull off awesome stunts like www.chromeexperiments.com.

Some people don't like what's going on with his costume, what with the little tabs right at the top of his head.

Internet Explorer as Superman
To the general public, Explorer is still the most recognizable member of the team. He's bigger and stronger in version 8, and he leaps over compatibility lists in single bound. Web slices give him x-ray vision, and he can make the internet go back in time by visiting archive.org - much easier than flying around the planet in a counter-rotational direction.

Intense Javascript is his Kryptonite, bringing IE to his knees when there's too much around.

Safari as Wonder Woman
She's sexy, fast, and nimble. On the minus side, she's got some big vulnerabilities and it'd be great if she would stop trying to invite other Amazons to the Hall of Justice (like Quicktime, Bonjour, etc.).

Also, that invisible jet is just plain stupid. No browser joke there, I just always hated that thing.

Opera
as Firestorm
Opera can turn anything into a web browser task - reading email and news, managing torrents, running desktop widgets - yet he's still not really taken seriously as a member of the team. Maybe that's because his power is a little too all-encompassing and the general public thinks he's kind of ridiculous.

Lunascape as The Wonder Twins

A real shape shifter, Lunascape can utilize the power of the Webkit, Trident, and Gecko rendering engines. It tries really hard to be a useful member of the team, but the bizarre combination of abilities usually comes off looking more like Hanna-Barbera shtick than real superpowers at work.

"Lunascape powers, activate! Shape of IE7! Form of Gecko!"

"What the hell is this monkey doing here?!"

related link: be sure to visit SuperDickery.com for some fantastically dumb comic book covers.

Tags: browsers, chrome, comic book, ComicBook, firefox, flock, ie8, internet, internet explorer, InternetExplorer, lunascape, opera, powers, safari, super heroes, SuperHeroes, web-browsers

Comments

14