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5 Ways To Surf Like a Complete Moron
Now, it's not my intent that anyone actually follow this horrible, horrible advice. It's just that so many people seem to think this type of behavior is perfectly normal computer use.
So here it is: my 5-point method for turning your computer into a quivering pile of malware-infested, hacker-friendly trash.
1. Don't bother updating your software. Things like Java, Flash, and your web browser are constantly updating. How annoying is that? If your Flash games play, and the little Java thing is always near your system clock, it's probably working just fine. Security holes in your outdated internet apps let the information move through faster.
2. Believe everything you see. If a pop up window tells you that Windows has found spyware on your computer or that you have 324 errors in your registry, you'd better click on it. That's not the kind of thing you want to take a chance on. I mean, the registry is where stuff...registers. And spyware removal software that advertises Shamwow style must be trustworthy, right?
3. You need more free smilies and screensavers. Everyone loves smilies, especially the friends that "msg u bak n 4th @ myspace". And screensavers? Shut up. I love having fancy animated crap displayed on my monitor when I'm nowhere near it - that's how everyone walking past knows what a cool guy I am. None of the websites giving this stuff away want to piggyback any nasty BHOs or other malware anyways.
4. Use your main email address and the same password everywhere you register for an account. Why make things confusing? No one will ever figure out your password hint based on details from your Facebook page anyhow. Hackers have better things to do than try and get into someone's dumb old Yahoo Mail account. Except for that guy that did it to Sarah Palin, I guess.
5. Everything on Limewire is a real video or song. Dude, it's totally possible to cram Iron Man into a 72mb download, or squeeze Free Bird into a 540kb mp3. It's called compression. Duh. As if someone could just rename a bogus file the same thing as a movie and hide a trojan inside it.
In closing, I'd like to offer my apologies to the monkey. He's probably a damn sight smarter than tens of thousands of people surfing the Internet at this very moment.
Comments
36
Subscribe to commentsPastilanSep 22nd 2008 7:05AM
Weee, I am smarter than most guys out there who commit the mistakes you have mentioned above :)
MorganSep 22nd 2008 2:35AM
This is just the attitude everyone loves about a lot of computer users. I'm sure it's both expanding the DLS readership and your circle of responsible-computer-user-friends dramatically, with that friendly, welcoming attitude. Also, girls eat this stuff up. Well played.
DanielSWSep 22nd 2008 5:07AM
Is this article even close to the target audience?
NateSep 22nd 2008 8:31AM
Now I think you are being a bit harsh. I am very careful with what I download and I still get the occasional Trojan and every bloody day when AVG scans, it finds like 50 damned tracking cookies. They can't be avoided. And not everyone is as well-versed in computers as we are and it's not their fault. It's like some auto-mechanic ranting about (most of) us computer geeks not doing that monthly lights/tires/fluids checks on out cars and blaming us when it stops working.
KaiSep 23rd 2008 3:53AM
About the 50 tracking cookies - that shouldn't really be a problem: most likely these cookies are just there for targeted advertising on web pages. They can't steal your personal information, or cause your computer to break down.
skrollanSep 23rd 2008 9:35AM
typicall scenery:
-a friend is plugging a thumb-drive into my box...
-eset begins to growl at me
-delete, delete, delte, ...
word.
KaiSep 23rd 2008 3:57AM
While I don't commit the mistakes above, someone I know cannot differentiate between installers for Java/Flash updates and installers for those crappy toolbars. Thus I end up telling him to not click on any installers and I do the once-a-while updates for him (which means delayed updates and is not ideal...).
Anyone has better ideas on how to overcome this problem?
BarrySep 24th 2008 5:01AM
Kai not to overstate what has already been said but ubuntu has one updater for all you're applications so you could possibly train your user to recognise this as safe (not to mention the spoof installers won't work). worse comes to worse you could set the updater as a cron job or do it yourself over ssh
JamesSep 23rd 2008 11:10AM
I uninstalled my antivirus software in 2002 and haven't looked back. I'm the only person to use my computer, and I have a brain I'm capable of using (not to mention google) so it works out.
Every couple of months I'll run AdAware and SpyBot, and they just find tracking cookies. And if there's a suspicious email attachment that for some reason I'm not prepared to simply delete, I save it and open it in a text editor for a closer look.
Let me say for the record that I have NEVER been infected with a virus, worm or trojan in 6 years, despite using the internet every day, installing plenty of freeware (always after researching it) and using P2P programs.
I DO use my router's firewall, but of course that's a different matter.
I'm convinced that most reasonably intelligent people don't need antivirus software ... if only they'd take the small amount of time to learn a few things.
Am I the only one surfing 'naked' out there? Or are there other readers of downloadsquad who eschew resource-hogging AV programs?
UnknownSep 24th 2008 1:53PM
you think you dont have any virus on ur comp just cause you dont have any av program to detect them
JamesSep 24th 2008 2:13PM
Whoops — I forgot to say that when I do the AdAware and SpyBot checks, I also use either Kaspersky or TrendMicro's Housecall.
And for what it's worth, I also:
— use Firefox
— use AdBlockPlus
— keep Java off (but not Javascript)
DukeSep 23rd 2008 1:28PM
This blog is called "Download Squad", not "Random IT Chatter". Lots of time wasters lately, some were marked as such and some were not. Pirate speech translators, a preview on a Windows calculator, comments regarding Microsoft ads, now this article about what stupid people do with their computers .. YAWN. What happened? Until last month or so this used to be a refreshing blog about interesting new SOFTWARE that one could DOWNLOAD..
Lee MathewsSep 23rd 2008 2:04PM
Well damn, Duke, can't a brother have a little fun?
You'll be happy to know that we're blogging our favorite apps this week. Perhaps you can download some of them.
Peace!
KrishaOct 3rd 2008 10:00AM
My problem is that my roommate uses my laptop when I'm not around and all of a sudden it's blue screening and running like crap and having startup failures. I know not to browse like an idiot, but I DON'T know how to fix the problem once it's happened.
Argh.
Hey mike please accept I want my comment to go throughOct 8th 2008 7:45AM
llo now i have to go get sum moar smilies tha t you have mentioned it
HughOct 11th 2008 12:15PM
I know. Im a sort of unofficial computer guy, and its really scary how many people i see ignoring updates with either no, or very out of date antivirus and firewall