Internet to blame for youth crime in China

For years people have tried to get an understanding of what causes youth crime. Is it a poor home life? Social pressure? Struggles to adapt with the high pressure teenage world? Nope. It's the internet. Of course, the Internet! How could we have missed that one?

'Grasping at straws' would be an understatement for the latest move by the Chinese government to justify censoring the internet in their country. A spokesman/puppet stated that almost 80% of youth criminals committed their crimes because they had been "seduced by the internet." This troublesome online seductress lures the youth in with her pouty lips and ample bosom, only in this case the lips are internet pornography and the bosom is violent web pages. After being sucked in by this temptress, the Chinese youth then go out and commit acts of theft and the like. Realistically, it's the only explanation. Clearly, young people never do anything wrong unless they are corrupted by online filth.

Luckily, China has a plan to put an end to this. They announced a campaign to cut out internet pornography, fraud, illegal lotteries and the worst of the worst, "rumor-spreading." Once these evils have been eliminated, and the internet is again pure, it can only be assumed that youth crime in China will be eliminated entirely. In related news, a violent leprechaun syndicate has claimed responsibility for the recent high gas prices.