Downloaders Anonymous: my downloading addiction

A buddy of mine tells me I have a problem. I don't agree. He says that I am addicted to downloading. He thinks I have a big hard drive for all the wrong reasons. I think having a big hard drive is a good thing. It means I can download MORE! I don't have a problem, downloading this much is a normal and healthy thing...isn't it? For some reason, I get weird looks all the time. I even changed my hairstyle several times, but I guess that isn't the reason I feel like a digital freak of nature when people look at me with disgust. Is it the persistence of black apparel and snarky attitude in my wardrobe? There is no way I'm changing that. Maybe I do have a problem. Isn't being an obsessive downloader normal? I guess I download more than others I know. They don't download so much, but I don't know why. I just thought they were naïve. People tell me that I babble incoherently about "del.icio.us" software that I digg, but so what? Perhaps the fact that I seem more in tune with software than with people has something to do with it. I guess people can spot a chronic downloader when they see one. I thought I had it so well hidden. Apparently not. Maybe I just have "a quality" that gives it away. I must admit that downloading makes me feel good, no...really good. I suppose it is the exhilaration of finding a new utility, or a new productivity app that makes me talk at a sustained high frequency and get all excited. I suppose I could have a problem, but I don't think it is so wrong, I mean, is everyone else content to use boring applications and let things be the way they are? What kind of a life is that? I don't think I would be true to myself if I didn't download things that add functionality...oh, sweet functionality. I crave functionality, I need to have it, and if I don't get it, I will... Okay, you got me, I have a problem. What's that? I forgot to say what? Oh, right. Hi, my name is Ryan, and I am a chronic downloader. (This is the part where you say "Hi, Ryan." all monotone like.)

Sure, like many of you I can't help myself. I see a new app on download squad and I just can't wait to get it installed and sitting gracefully in my system tray, seething with enormous new functionality. Sorry, how's that? Oh, you don't want me making the nerds salivate? Sorry, I am obsessed with new functionality. Oh, you knew that. From my first DLOAD command on the Commodore 64 until today, I still have the same question, what can I make it do? It is in my blood to download, install, upgrade, modify, change, hack, reload, or tear apart anything so I can figure out how it works, and what I can make it do. This is I believe the essence of why I love downloading so much. It gives me the power to make my PC do all kinds of new things without having to buy new hardware. Downloading new software is added functionality with little or no cost. Freeware, come to papa. I also love open source software, because I have the power to hack it. It becomes a vicious cycle since the authors write it with a keen sense of guilt built-in if you refuse to download yet another version of their blah, blah, blah software version 2.0.3.1.6a. It is all quite dubious. I love them and I hate them at the same time. They make me dependent on their ilk and I secretly enjoy it while I am loathing my dependence on it.

The good thing about being a chronic downloader is that whenever I have an opportunity when no one is looking, I can pull out my brown paper bag (containing my USB drive) with the best downloads that will do the trick. I am always the one who has a solution, because I have a download for every occasion. Since I have downloaded and tried so many apps, it is easy to recommend ones that actually work, and are worth their mettle. They can claim they are the best all they want, but a quick old-fashioned try will separate the freeware from the spyware. Sure, it has me addicted, but when stuff goes wrong or new functionality is needed, I am the one holding all the SD cards. My collection of downloads is extensive and I feel great when I have the answer to everyone's computer problems, because of my "bad" habit.

Freeware is my favorite thing. Just think of a clear, sparkling, refreshing piece of software that is free, performs flawlessly, and does all kind of things that nothing else can. It just goes down so smooth. This is why I lurk around so many open source sites, such as Sourceforge. At this one site alone I have found many of my favorites, which keep me coming back for more. OK, fine, I have a problem. I am a freeware addict, but at least I am one of the only people I know of who doesn't generally have computer problems. Sure I get the occasional virus, but nothing serious, and my freeware firewall is the best I've seen. I hardly have to worry about spyware, adware, crapware, donationware, or nastyware (note: crapware and nastyware are not official types of software recognized by the blogosphere as of this writing). If I do get spyware, I have a handful of free downloads (oh, the sound of it makes me quiver) that will take care of it, lickety-split. I don't get very much spam either, all because of my "horrible" software downloading addiction. Not everything is good about downloading, however.

One thing that is particularly bad about my chronic downloading ways is that it can be hard to avoid bad apples. The Deli Llama once said, "Downloads can give life or they can take life, just ask your computer." It will tell you how sick it has gotten by sputtering to a stop or it will purr with glee when it likes the program you downloaded to it. Sometimes it is tough to keep evil software off your PC. An app looks like fun, it looks harmless, but then just when you think everything is safe, you realize it is a poorly written memory hog and it begins to rip your machine to shreds and leave it in the shop unresponsive. Do PC's come back from hard drive coma? Of course, this causes me to reflect on the repercussions of my habit, and it saddens me greatly. I become depressed about my downloading problem, since I know I am to blame for my computer's suffering. The answer to my problem is not to stop downloading, that is just not an option. The answer is to download another app that will heal my precious machine, and give my PC the delicate balance back that it needs. It is my consumption of downloads that really makes things head south in a hurry. Sometimes it is a battle of the will, where one side of me wants to download something, but I know I shouldn't. I crave it more and more.

I might do the responsible thing and follow the 12 step plan for becoming a sober download-less computer user just because everyone wants me to, but I am not ever going to like it. Something in me hopes I can hack the 12 step program so it suits me better, who knows, maybe I will find a way around it. You know, one that allows downloading.

Tags: addiction, chronicdownloader, downloads, downloadsextra, freeware